Being a parent is hard enough, but being a parent to a child amputee is a whole new challenge. Here are some pointers for parents
As prosthetists, our expertise lies in treating patients who have lost a limb. Often we are faced with parents who are in just as much need of rehabilitation as the child themselves. As parents you know that, if you could, you’d gladly move a mountain for your child, and in most cases you as a parent would happily take your child’s place without thinking twice. It is then easy to understand that the parents who enter our doors are going through a very difficult time.
In most cases they blame themselves for the child’s limb loss and are desperate to find solutions. In addition, children tend to shift extra blame onto their parents for what they are going through, which makes prosthetic rehabilitation more emotionally charged than it needs to be.
Children are also far smarter than we sometimes realise. They tend to sometimes feed off and replicate the emotions of the parents. Because of this, the therapist may tell you at some stage to go off and drink a coffee while they are treating your most precious possession. Please do not take it personally.
Children must make many physical and emotional adjustments to major body changes, but they do deal with the entire amputation rehabilitation situation more easily than adults. So I think that it would be a mistake to think that the child is experiencing the same emotional roller-coaster ride that you are experiencing.
Being a parent myself, I am going to throw the professional rule book out of the window and tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes. Tell the therapist, without the child present, exactly how you feel and what problems you are facing. I would even go as far as to let the therapist know, in a non-confrontational way, just how much this child means to you and how you are hurting inside.
Then I would give the therapist a little space to do what they do best: having angry parents breathe down your neck can unsettle the most experienced person. The last thing you want to do is (even unwittingly) prevent the therapist from optimising their treatment.
If you have any questions regarding treatment (or anything else), do ask until you fully understand. Question the treatment as much as you like but communicate honestly with your rehab team. It is part of the therapist’s job to inform you in full.
Lastly, trust your parental instincts and do what we, as parents, do the best: put on that brave face!
Heinrich Grimsehl is a prosthetist in private practice and a member of the South African Orthotic and Prosthetic Association (SAOPA). email: info@hgprosthetics.co.za
