Taking time for yourself could feel selfish, but is important to helping you be a better parent for your child with a disability
We know that being a parent or caregiver to a child with a disability is not always easy, and that there are no manuals on how to cope! Self-care for parents and caregivers of children with disabilities is vital, especially when things are tough and unpredictable.
As parents, we want the best for our children, but can feel overwhelmed with the day-to- day experience of parenting a child with a disabilities. For some of us, our children require constant care, to be turned throughout the night, fed specialised formula, assisted with bladder and bowel routines, help with transferring from wheelchairs, exact medicine schedules, regular doctors and rehabilitation visits, etc. – all of which can be exhausting, financially draining and emotionally taxing.
It is easy to resent our children with disabilities, our partners and friends who live such different lives. Many of us had dreams for our children which now may not be relevant anymore, and many of us grieve for what we will no longer have. It is important to remember that everything is relevant, and that as tough as things are, there are things that you can do.
When flying in an aeroplane, we always hear the cabin controllers tell us to place the oxygen masks over our mouths if there is a loss of cabin pressure before helping others and children. If we don’t help ourselves, we cannot help others. This is true for parents of children with disabilities. We often feel that we cannot leave our children and do things for ourselves as our children should be our priority, and often feel guilty even considering doing something for us.
Financially, things are often very tough due to the many additional and sometimes unpredictable costs associated with disability such as catheters, assistive devices, medications, medical care and therapy. Even with time, energy and financial constraints, there are things that we can do, and through doing these things for ourselves, we become better people who are better able to cope as parents and deal with the stresses life throws at us.
As a mom of a child with a disability, married to my husband who is a quadriplegic, I have had to work hard to make time for myself. For me, my ‘fuel’ is going for a short run by myself where it is just me and my thoughts. For the 20 minutes, I switch off and focus on what I see around me, what sounds I hear and how I am feeling. This is my time.
I joke and say that I run away from my children to come back a better mom, but it is actually true. Sometimes I am exhausted and just don’t have the energy to run, so rather than beating myself up that I cannot even run, I just take a slow walk and clear my head.
Other things I do is having a long bath once a week where I switch off the lights, close the bathroom door and listen to a podcast on something that interests me. Other days it is finding a safe spot, parking my car, listening to music and just switching off for 15 minutes.
Financially, it doesn’t cost me anything, and it’s all about scheduling the time. I started off aiming for once a week and slowly built up to five days a week of scheduling short, 20-minute ‘me time’ activities, and I feel like I can better cope as a result. Some weeks, I get it right, while other weeks I don’t.
So often we get so caught up in the day- to-day, never ending stresses, and don’t make time to get perspective. This month, I challenge you to take 15 minutes three times a week to do something just for you. Something that fuels you, gives you energy and brings you joy.
