Rather than fighting for government, policies or society to fast-track integration, people with disabilities should work towards integration themselves
We live in a country where government tries to correct the wrongs and inequities of society through legislation, while people with disabilities protest their exclusion by advocating for better accessibility and a greater understanding of their needs. However, there are three things that cannot be enforced by legislation, rules or advocacy: love, grace and empathy.
These are a state of mind that, if present, negate the need for policies and the like. Yet, the reality of life is that love, grace and empathy thrive on reciprocity. It is sustained only when it is nurtured from both sides. That is why the motto on the ROLLING INSPIRATION T-shirts reads, “The only disability is a bad attitude.”
Some of us have a sense of entitlement; we feel that society owes us and we must demand our rights, but this is baseless and arrogant. Society owes us nothing. Society at large cannot be held accountable for my disability. Whether an injury or an affliction, it is mine to deal with.
Society can help and support. We can advocate and legislate accessibility into buildings and transport and into the hospitality industry. But integration into society? No, that is up to me, you and every person with a disability. We are the architects and the builders of our own integration into society.
We are so fixated on the nature of our own disabilities that we create associations in support of our own disabilities. We ring-fence membership and management of our associations to include only those that share our specific disability. So we end up with a multitude of condition-specific nonprofit organisations that compete with one another. There is even inter-regional competition within individual associations.
If the disabled community cannot integrate itself internally, how can we integrate with society at large?
Now that the situation has been sketched, what is the way forward? As a point of departure, we must understand that unity is not the same as uniformity. A unity of purpose is not limited to uniformity of disability. We need to unite around areas of communality, but retain the freedom to manage our own individual circumstances according to our identified needs.
So, rather than a multitude of “unions” governed by fixed constitutions and support policies, I propose a “federal” system where shared needs are managed centrally and where unique needs are supported centrally with love, grace and empathy, but managed within individual nonprofit bodies as seen fit by that organisation.
This goes as much for regions within associations as it does for inter-association relations. Enforced paternalism is as doomed to fail as enforced dictatorship. As for integrating with society at large, our integration can’t be demanded. It must be earned. Firstly, by who we are, our attitudes, love, grace and empathy. And only then, by what we’re able to contribute.
For those who complain that their disability is so extensive they can’t do anything for themselves, doing is not only physical. All doing starts in the mind. Decide what needs to happen and organise someone to assist if you can’t do it yourself. As people with paralysis, our bodies may be compromised but our minds, passions and emotions generally remain intact and need to be channelled and developed.
Now for the myth of independence. I know of two “independent” individuals who lead miserable lives in a care centre for people with disabilities. The one was born with cerebral palsy, but later in life also became quadriplegic following a car accident. His mind is sharp and he is highly intelligent, but his body is broken and his speech is severely impaired.
The other was a bright young man who suffered brain damage after a car accident that reduced his intellectual abilities. His body is fine but his mind was set back to that of a child. Both were independently miserable until they got to know one another and learnt to communicate. Now they complement each other’s inabilities and have become a team. They have learned the value of interdependence.
As we walk (roll) this path that we call life and it starts knocking us about, we all come to realise that we are interdependent on one another. This is the way we make our own roads – we roll it out by rolling along.
Interdependence starts with our loved ones and our caregivers; it flows to all the people with whom we come into contact. The way we present ourselves will determine how these contacts grow and flourish – in numbers and quality. If you cannot physically open a door for another but they open it for you, show grace, say thank you and, if the situation allows, introduce yourself and strike up a conversation.
Show the other person that your brain cells and your emotional intelligence are still intact. Then you will be noticed as a person. If you have the knowledge or contacts to help a person in need and do so, you will be appreciated. If you do something extraordinary and achieve the unexpected despite what others believe you to be capable of, you become inspirational.
This is how we integrate ourselves into communities, socially and in the workplace. We don’t wait for others to integrate us, we don’t demand to be integrated, we just do it. Ourselves. Let’s step up, shift our own minds toward integration, recognise that we do not all have to be the same in order to have a unity of purpose – and then let’s cross bridges by making ourselves available to fill the gaps in the lives of others where we have the ability to do so.
In return, let’s allow others to fill in our own gaps. Let’s put our pride in our pockets and open ourselves to the love, grace and empathy of those who want to give it to us. This is what integration is about and it starts with me and with you – together.
I wrote this article to invite debate. If you feel I missed the mark or am speaking out of context, I challenge you to prove me wrong!
