With six human needs driving our actions, finding a balance is key to a happy and fulfilled life
Have you ever wondered why people do what they do? What pushes, pulls, or sometimes even breaks us? Whether you have a disability or not, whether you are young or old, rich or broke, we all share the same invisible drivers that shape how we feel and behave.
Anthony Robbins, a well-known personal development coach, explains that every person is driven by six core needs. Not wants, not goals, but needs. These sit behind our habits, decisions, and even our moods.
What I love about this framework is how it applies to all of us, regardless of our circumstances, background, or physical ability.
As a paraplegic and a life coach, I have seen these needs at play in my own life and in the lives of the people I coach. They have helped me to understand what is going wrong and what someone really needs at a deeper level.
Let me unpack these six needs and how they might be showing up in your own life.
Four basics
The first four are what I call the survival and ego needs. We find ways to meet them no matter what, even if it is not healthy. They are all about having, doing and feeling.
Certainty
This is our need for comfort, safety and stability. We want to feel secure, in our homes, our income, our relationships.
For someone with a disability, certainty might mean knowing your routine, getting reliable care, or simply managing the basics without surprises. However, too much certainty can lead to boredom or a life that feels stuck.
Variety
As strange as it sounds, we also need change, surprise and excitement. Without variety, life becomes dull and lifeless. Some find it in travel, others in challenges or learning something new.
If we do not meet this need in positive ways, we may turn to drama, conflict or risky behaviours to feel alive.
Significance
We all want to feel important, needed, worthy. We want to matter. For those who have lost a job, developed a disability or feel invisible in society, this need can burn deeply.
It might be met by helping others, standing out, or sadly, by acting out or pulling others down, just to feel some sense of identity.
Love and Connection
The need to feel loved, or at least connected, runs deep in every heart. We need to feel like we belong, like someone sees us and cares.
Some will settle for shallow connections out of fear of rejection or simply not knowing how to build deeper bonds.
I know for me this need was tested when I first sustained my disability. It was the love and support of my family, and later my wife Colleen (my PA or Personal Angel), that helps me through the darkest days.
Higher Needs
The last two needs only begin to emerge when the first four are more or less in balance. They are not about survival. They are about the soul. They are what bring lasting joy and fulfilment.
Sadly, many people never get to these, because they are stuck just trying to cope.
Growth
We need to feel we are growing, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. When we grow, we feel alive. Growth can mean learning something new, gaining insight, becoming stronger through experience or simply becoming a better version of ourselves.
In my own journey, becoming a life coach after my accident was part of my growth. It gave me a sense of purpose and forward motion again.
Contribution
At the deepest level, we want to give. We want to feel that our lives matter beyond ourselves. It could be a kind word, a skill shared, a cause supported.
Contribution does not mean being a hero. It is about reaching beyond your own pain and lifting someone else, even in a small way.
Balance is key
All six needs are part of being human. They are not good or bad. They just are. What matters is how we meet them, and whether that leaves us feeling fulfilled or drained.
Life is all about balance. When one or two needs dominate at the cost of the others, we can feel off-centre, frustrated or lost.
Here is something that really hit me. If a behaviour meets three or more of these needs, it becomes addictive. That could be something uplifting, like coaching or volunteering, or something destructive, like substance abuse or toxic relationships.
So, ask yourself: How are you meeting these needs right now? Which ones are being met in a healthy way, and which ones might need attention?
If you feel stuck or empty, chances are one or more of these needs are either unmet or being met in a way that does not truly serve you. The good news is that once you see the pattern, you can choose a better way. It starts with awareness, then comes intention, then action.
Remember, whether you are facing challenges with your health, your identity or your purpose, you are not alone. These needs connect us all, and once you understand them, you begin to understand yourself, and others, in a whole new way.
