With these tips for planning a successful birthday party for a child with a disability, the day can be enjoyable for both the parent and the child
Birthdays should be celebrated! For parents of children with disabilities, milestones like these are especially important particularly if there have been struggles such as surgeries and health scares.
While most children love birthday parties, they can lead to anxiety for many parents. This issue we provide some practical tips on what to do so that both you and your child have a great day.
Planning
It is essential that we carefully plan our child’s birthday party. The more prepared we are, the better the day will be. As parents of children with disabilities, we are so used to making plans and having multiple ‘plan B’s’ in our back pockets.
While some parent’s greatest concern is the weather, for many of us our concerns involve accessibility, feeding, sleeping, medication, and bladder and bowel routines! The more things you can do before the party the better.
This might mean baking cupcakes and blowing up balloons the day before. Many people would love to help to set up or bake things. Just give them clear instructions, especially if there are food allergies or sensitivities.
Be thoughtful about who you invite and think about your child’s needs. Would having children who your child has met once be a good idea? Or would having too many guests cause anxiety and overwhelm your child?
You need to invite people who understand your family and child; those who won’t question why the birthday girl is missing for an hour if they need to have a feed or are getting overstimulated and need a break.
Preparation
For some of our children who need structure, routine and predictability it is important that we prepare them for what will happen. Getting them involved in choosing colours, giving them options of games and activities they want to do, helping to mix or add ingredients for a cake, are all ways that can help prepare them for the party.
Tell them what will happen, what they will see, hear and do helps to make things more predictable. You might want to co-create a sign or word for when things are getting too noisy or overwhelming and decide what they need if such a situation arises (for example, to lie down in a dark room; put on noise cancelling headphones, etc).
There are life-skills and coping strategies that can help to empower them and help them to self-regulate. For our children who might be non-verbal, it is important that we understand their signs, which could include, rubbing their eyes, spasm or specific sounds (You know your child best!), and catch these early before your child gets overwhelmed or stressed.
Sometimes when we are too busy, we lose track of time. It is crucial that our children’s needs come first. As for some of us, a late medication administration can have significant health complications, and a change in sleeping routines may lead to meltdowns.
Flexibility
We need to be kind to ourselves and realise that we might need to change things at the last minute if needed and that it is fine (and important). Your child will probably not remember if you had green cupcakes instead of blue ones but may remember if you fall apart because of the colour. If our children are young, low expectations are great.
We don’t need the stress and financial strain of hiring a petting zoo or magician for a four- year-old’s party! I went to a recycling depo and got five large cardboard boxes. We cut of doors and windows and the children had great fun.
This cost me nothing, and I recycled them once we were done! Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to have “the perfect party that everyone will remember” that we don’t enjoy our children’s special day.
Activities
It is important that your child is the centre of the day so ensure that they can participate in activities. This might mean adapting games or including some sign language together with singing happy birthday. If your child is a wheelchair user or using as assistive device such as a walker, make sure that you adapt games so that they can join in and succeed. Some adapted games include:
Adapted pass the parcel: If you play ‘pass the parcel’ and your child finds fine motor skills such as gripping a present or ripping the paper difficult, then you can include less sticky tape, or get someone to hold the parcel for them (making sure that they are still involved by holding and guiding their hands, but taking the weight or steading it).
Think carefully about what ‘gifts’ are included in each layer of the pass the parcel. Are these going to be a choking hazard, or can they be unwrapped with ease? Is the music you are going to use too loud or too soft? How will the children all sit so that everyone can participate? If your child is in a wheelchair, get the other children to sit on chairs so they are all at the same eye level.
Adapted ball games: Rather than throwing and catching ball games, you can roll a ball or object between you on their wheelchair lap tray or at a table. You can use a bigger and softer ball and allow children to stop the ball with both hands, their foot, chin or elbow. You could adapt games such as tennis or volleyball by having all the children sit on the ground and play. Playing ‘ball games’ with a balloon can be loads of fun too!
Be creative and make sure that you child can fully participate. Remember, it is their big day and should have as much fun as possible!
